What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
