Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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