I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
