God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
