so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
