My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
