she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Less talking, more tequila
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My bed smells like the plague
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
