found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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