I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
