Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
