Sober January is a disaster.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The adults are the big ones right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
