I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
