just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
