So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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