there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
