I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
