Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
NoShamevember. You game?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
