So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
