If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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