Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
