Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
