I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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