I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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