he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
