I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
