Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
