Can i not drive my cunt home
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
