did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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