I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
