i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
