Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
