i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
