I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
