i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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