She said her name was "party"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
