the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The air taste purple.
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