i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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