Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
