and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need moral support for this bender
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
