If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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