I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
