When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
