I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
