omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
