What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
