...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
