are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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