Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
