a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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