Non-Jews are for practice
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
