dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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