I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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