We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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