Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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