We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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