I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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