Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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