Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
