wanna go halves on a baby?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
