I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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