are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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