Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
