His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
