im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
