it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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