Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
