do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
