I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
